No One Will Tap You on the Shoulder

The Hidden Psychology of Leadership Permission

She had built a reputation as the one who always delivers. A confident, capable leader with years of experience, she knew the business inside out. Everyone came to her when things got stuck. She didn't just know the work—she was the work.

But something had shifted.

The industry was changing fast. Competitors were adapting more quickly. And as she watched her senior leaders tighten their grip on cost-cutting and operational efficiency, she felt a growing sense of urgency. A gap was opening up—and no one was stepping in to lead.

One day, in a coaching conversation, she voiced it:

"I think I could be the Country Head. Maybe not five years from now—maybe sooner. But... I'm not sure I'm ready."

The Permission Paradox: When Competence Becomes a Cage

At first glance, she had everything it takes: performance, influence, respect. But what she didn't have was a mental map of what senior leadership actually looks like beyond execution. She had little exposure to true strategic leadership—and no one was modeling it around her.

This is the cruel irony many high-performers face: the very excellence that makes them indispensable also makes them invisible to themselves as future leaders. They become so skilled at solving today's problems that they struggle to imagine themselves creating tomorrow's possibilities.

When she reflected on why she hadn't moved toward a more visionary role yet, her answer was telling:

"Maybe I was back-delegating the vision. Hoping someone else would spell it out."

Back-delegating the vision.

The phrase hung in the air between us, precise and devastating. She had unconsciously abdicated the most crucial leadership responsibility—defining what could be—and handed it upward, waiting for someone else to paint the picture she was meant to create.

It wasn't about capability. It was about permission. And here lies one of leadership's most insidious traps: the assumption that readiness is something bestowed rather than claimed.

The Invisible Threshold: From Operator to Orchestrator

She realized she'd been waiting for someone above her to tap her on the shoulder and say, "Now's the time. Think bigger. Lead forward."

But no one was coming. The role she envisioned? She had to step into it, not wait to be invited.

This moment—when a leader recognizes that the next level isn't granted but taken—marks a fundamental psychological shift. It's the difference between being an operator and becoming an orchestrator. Operators wait for assignments; orchestrators create movements.

Yet understanding this intellectually and embodying it emotionally are two different challenges entirely.

The Calendar as Mirror: What Your Time Reveals About Your Identity

The bigger block, however, wasn't just external—it was embedded in her calendar.

She was doing too much.

She had become the go-to problem solver. Her team respected her for her speed, precision, and reliability. But ironically, the same excellence that had propelled her upward was now anchoring her to the day-to-day.

Strategic leadership requires oxygen. And her days were packed.

"The real frustration," she said, "is that I don't have time to think. I'm stuck in operations because it's faster if I just do it myself."

This is where many aspiring leaders get caught: in the efficiency trap. They've become so good at execution that delegation feels like a step backward, a loss of control rather than a multiplication of impact.

But here's what she was beginning to understand: Your calendar is a mirror of your identity. If every hour is filled with tasks someone else could do, you're not leading—you're performing. And performance, no matter how exceptional, will never scale to the level of impact she was seeking.

We explored a reframing:

What if the shift wasn't about earning more trust from senior leadership, but about extending more trust to her team?

That's when something clicked.

The Trust Paradox: Why Great Leaders Must Learn to Disappoint

She had a capable direct report who was hungry to learn and grow. But she'd been holding back, thinking it was more efficient to do things herself.

This reveals another leadership paradox: the very people we need to become, we often prevent others from becoming. We hoard opportunities not out of malice, but out of a misguided sense of responsibility. We tell ourselves we're protecting the business, when really we're protecting our own sense of indispensability.

When she envisioned creating thinking time—time to map the future, not just manage the present—she saw clearly what it would take:

"I need to stop proving my worth through delivery. And instead, invest in my team's capacity so I can create space to lead with vision."

The shift was profound. Delegation wasn't just a tactic—it was a test of her leadership maturity. Could she tolerate the temporary discomfort of watching someone else fumble through work she could complete flawlessly? Could she accept that empowering others might initially feel like a step backward?

Resource Activation: The Hidden Leadership Superpower

She didn't need a bigger team. She needed to activate what she already had. And in doing so, she could start stepping into the work that no one else was claiming: defining the future.

This is where real leadership begins: not in accumulating more resources, but in unleashing the potential that already exists. The most transformational leaders aren't those who do more—they're those who enable more.

But activation requires something many high-performers struggle with: patience with imperfection. When you can solve a problem in thirty minutes, watching someone else take three hours feels like a luxury you can't afford. Until you realize that those three hours aren't just solving today's problem—they're building tomorrow's capacity.

The Moment of Claiming: When Everything Shifts

At the end of the session, she smiled—tired, but lighter.

"I think I've been waiting for someone else to tell me it's time. But it's actually up to me. If I want to be Country Head, I need to stop doing the job I've already mastered and start doing the job I aspire to."

She had moved from doubt to decision. From being indispensable in the weeds to being necessary at the helm.

But more than that, she had discovered something crucial: readiness isn't a destination you arrive at; it's a decision you make. The leaders who wait until they feel completely prepared never step forward. The ones who shape the future understand that readiness is built through action, not contemplation.

The Broader Truth: Why This Matters Beyond One Leader

Her story illuminates something larger about how leadership actually develops in organizations. We often assume that potential leaders will naturally surface, that talent will inevitably rise. But what if the opposite is true? What if the next generation of leaders is waiting, capable but invisible, held back not by lack of skill but by lack of permission—permission they must learn to give themselves?

In a rapidly changing business environment, we can't afford to wait for leaders to emerge organically. We need them to emerge intentionally. And that starts with recognizing that the tap on the shoulder isn't coming. The invitation to lead won't be formal. The moment to step up is now.

The Question That Changes Everything

Where in your leadership are you still waiting to be tapped?

What conversations are you avoiding because you're not sure you have permission to start them? What vision are you back-delegating because it feels safer to wait for someone else to articulate it?

What could change if you stopped looking for permission—and started building the future, one conversation, one delegation, one vision at a time?

You may already be the leader your company needs. The question isn't whether you're ready—it's whether you're willing to act before you feel completely prepared.

Now is the moment to lead like it.

The most profound leadership transitions happen not when we gain new titles, but when we give ourselves permission to see differently. Sometimes the biggest step forward is realizing no one else is going to tell you it's time to take it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karin Wellbrock helps leaders step into the roles they're meant to fill—before anyone tells them they're ready. As Partner and Head of Leadership Effectiveness at Tokyo-based Kay Group K.K., she works with executives who recognize that real leadership isn't about waiting for permission; it's about creating the future others are hesitant to claim.

With deep experience spanning Japanese and global organizations, Karin brings a cross-cultural lens to the moments when capable leaders must choose between staying safe in their competence or stepping forward into uncertainty. Through coaching, team development, and organizational consulting, she guides clients through the psychological shifts that transform high-performers into visionary leaders.

Currently researching outstanding women across Asia to uncover what drives authentic impact, Karin spotlights these leaders in her Exceptional Leaders in Japan series while mentoring startups and NGOs throughout the region. Her mission isn't just helping leaders grow organizations—it's empowering them to build the courage to lead before they feel completely prepared.